Much ado has been made of Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits. They denote a variety of colors and modest styles. But I think that is completely unfair! Secretary/Senator/Former First Lady Clinton is receiving entirely too much attention for her wardrobe choices simply because she is woman. News, pundits, bloggers and even everyday citizens are spending valuable time reflecting upon which pantsuit Hillary wore yesterday and today and speculating on what it will be tomorrow. Men certainly do not get to take advantage of this valuable and insightful coverage. In fact, people rarely even notice one men’s pantsuit from the next, no matter how long they spend toiling over what to wear! See how desperately unfair this is? If people spent more time looking at what Mr. Trump is wearing, then they might miss any number of gaffs in his speeches. Hillary’s pantsuits are definitely providing an unfair distraction and advantage to her campaign! No one is even listening to what she says if they are busy talking about her attire. I feel Mr. Trump deserves his fair share of time in the flashing lights of the Fashion Police. So, in the interest of equal opportunity, let the show begin!
For this segment, I have asked for the help of my dear friend and colleague, the fictional author marq truong. (Yes, he likes it lower case. some people are just weird like that).
Ann: Thank you marq for helping me out with this pantsuit fashion show! I love talking to you. You’re like that voice in my head when I don’t want to see reason!
marq: Thanks Ann! All things considered, that’s a compliment. And certainly wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to judge someone on something as baseless and superficial as what they wore this morning! So what’s up first?
Ann: Absolutely! Well, first we have Trump in Blue!
marq: Yes, I see. Sporting a blue pantsuit with lapel, standard white shirt and red tie.
Ann: I see he has accessorized! A flag lapel pin. And that, marq, is not just a simple white dress shirt, I see cuff links.
marq: I thought fitted pantsuits were all the rage right now. He could definitely use a tailor on this one, look at the wrinkling around his armpits! I think he must have put on few pounds since he was fitted for this one.
Ann: Well, it happens. Up next we have a real sporting Trump! Dressed up for a sporting event wearing… a black pantsuit and red tie.
marq: Well nothing gets me in the mood to cheer my favorite team like throwing on a business pantsuit and power tie! Is that the same tie?
Ann: I don’t think so. The first one seemed a more pinkish red while this one has orange undertones. Definitely not a good look for him, bringing out that ruddy red blotch on his cheek. However, coming up here, yes, I think this may be the same tie.
Marq: I think it is the same suit. Of course, you just can’t go wrong with a nice, black little number. Such versatility!
Ann: Too true! From the Ballpark to the auditorium! Oh, marq, I think you will like this next one. Trump is back in blue.
marq: yes, Ann. I like him in blue. It is a little softer and easier on the eyes. And especially against that blue background, it is more flattering for his body type.
Ann: Too true! Too true! The dark blue against a blue background is definitely trimming! But, I daresay, is that the same tie?
marq: Hmm. Well one could argue it is. And of course, he has gone with his standard white shirt once again. Oh, but up next, yes, we see some variance. In his hair, at least. It has bleached to almost white.
Ann: I see what you mean. He has moved back to a black pantsuit and red tie. And he appears to be wearing the same pantsuit coming up!
marq: yes, Ann, I believe it is the same pantsuit and tie. At this point I’d wager it is even the same shirt. Mr. Trump must like to travel light. Then again, how many black pantsuits does a man really need if he has a good dry cleaners?
Ann: The uses are endless, marq. Here we see him, next, pulling out this hot number at a debate. That same loose fit, which I must say does wonders to disguise a less than perfect figure.
marq: I see exactly what you mean, Ann. This pantsuit basically drapes over him. This fit is perfect for anyone who has a few extra curves in places they’d rather not share, if you know what I mean. I can certainly relate to this suit.
Ann: Don’t be silly marq. You look marvelous, Darling! If Senator Cruz, standing next to Trump can pull off that sport fit, you certainly can! And now I see, well, is this suit blue or black?
marq: We are back to blue, and thankful for it! This color, of all the two colors we have seen him in, is definitely his best.
Ann: I have to agree with you there. It is my favorite, too. Though I still think this red tie does no favors for his complexion. Don’t people with his skin type usually go for something more subtle?
marq: Well, there really aren’t many people with orange skin, but yes, that would be conventional. However, Trump is all about power and red says power.
Ann: well, against that complexion it may say power, but it also says he doesn’t care what he looks like getting it. That slight orange tint to his skin simply clashes with red.
marq: Ouch! So harsh, but I have to agree. I never mind a little clash for flare, but it simply must be done with style. But what is this coming next, Ann?
Ann: Oh here is a nice little gem. We are back to classic black and moved to that pink toned red tie. But the real pearl is the darker toupee. This ensemble works to highlight those orange features, really bringing out his spray-on tan!
marq: Oh! Work it Trump! Oh, but wow. I was not expecting this one. Just, wow.
Ann: Yes. Wow says it all, I think. It looks like he just came back from the body shop where he had his hair and skin dyed to match.
marq: And setting it off in horrific delight is that pinkish red tie. Honestly, Ann. Someone needs to tiptoe into his closet while he is sleeping and take scissors to that tie. An orange complexion simply cannot, should not, ever wear that color.
Ann: It should be a crime. Wow. And it doesn’t get any better, either, marq.
marq: Well, maybe a bit better. The dye in his toupee has faded a bit, moving on to more of a yellow, so it is really only his face clashing with the tie. He seems to really like this classic black pantsuit.
Ann: And the tie.
marq: Well, yes, and the tie. I fear it might be getting a little overdone. The black is really too harsh a contrast for him and accentuates the white circlets depicting the protection placed over his eyes during the application of his tan. Now, most people would not want to draw attention to this. What you wear matters. It says more about you than what comes out of your mouth, sometimes.
Ann: Have you heard what comes out of his mouth?
marq: Well, no, not really. I’ve been far too busy examining his wardrobe. Like I said, it can really tell you a lot about a person, how they see themselves and how they want to be seen.
Ann: Well, then, apparently in this next fashion spotlight, Mr. Trump wants his toupee to match his white shirt. Hey, how many white shirts do you think he has? Two? Three?
marq: I’m thinking three. One to wear, one to send to the dry cleaners and one back-up in case of a spill. But you won’t believe what is coming next. It is almost as if he could hear us.
Ann: what is it, Marq?
marq: Just take a look. So refreshing. A quick little series of four, the first two in black and the second two in blue, but he has ditched that awful red tie.
Ann: The blue tie is much better, even if the stripe does have a certain car salesman flair to it. But the second one with the yellow tie, I am just not sure what he is going for there. It is like his tie and his hair flip-flopped, making his hair red and his tie yellow.
marq: You got me there. I was just too excited to see an old dog with a new trick.
Ann: Well here comes another new trick. He has ditched the red tie for a red baseball cap. Still wearing that baggy black pantsuit, though. And cuff links. With a baseball cap.
marq: I think he is going for that diamonds and denim cliche, only Trump style.
Ann: Maybe he will wear the cap to his next sporting event, now that he has one. I think it is safe to say he does not own a white shirt that does not require cuff links.
(Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)
marq: that is a wardrobe failing for the casual dress. Or, perhaps he doesn’t realize they make white shirts with buttons on the cuffs.
Ann: Someone running for president should know this. How can someone relate to the common man if he doesn’t even know about cuff buttons?
marq: I don’t know, Ann. I just don’t know. But he does appear to have purchased a solid blue tie, doing away with that awful stripe. And what looks like a light grey tie as well. That is a serious departure for Mr. Trump from the bold colors we typically see. And that might be a charcoal grey pantsuit. But then again, it could just be how the light is hitting it.
Ann: Hmm, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he definitely might have a third pantsuit in grey. But up next is the return of the stripe.
Marq: Please say it isn’t so!
Ann: I’m sorry. This looks like two separate blue striped ties, one light and one dark,
marq: Well at least he wore the dark blue with the darker pantsuit. He really likes his little black tent.
Ann: Why, yes, marq, he does. He has a history of black pantsuits and red ties. Here he is, much younger, sporting the early rendition of what we most typically see today.
marq: Fits about the same, too. And it appears that, at least at some point in his life, he had another shirt that wasn’t white.
Ann: So it would seem. But he definitely loves little black numbers. And here we see blue pantsuits again. Oh, but that is just not pulling it all together. Dark blue pantsuit with a baby blue tie? Is he going to a bridal shower? If he wore this to meet a head of state, they’d be expecting a gift wrapped box of diapers!
marq: Maybe this is Trump exposing his feminine side. He’s trying to reach out and say, “I’m soft and cute and huggable.”
Ann: Well nothing too huggable about these next two selections. He’s in boxing blue with what might be that charcoal suit. I do like the charcoal as being softer than the black. But I’m just not sure the baggy jacket is doing him any favors.
marq: hard to tell, that one. We would have to see what he looks like in anything else to know. It might be doing a lot of favors.
Ann: That is true! And here we have, another black and blue. Ever notice how his wardrobe reflects his bruised ego?
marq: My eyes feel bruised from the monotony. And it doesn’t get better. No one seems able to part Mr. Trump from his red tie fixation.
Ann: Tell me about it. But this pinkish red tie is definitely the worst. I mean, I simply can’t listen to anything he says because it is so distracting.
marq: Me either! He could be suggesting a decorated war hero and his family are really terrorists plotting against our country…
Ann: Or beseeching a foreign country to commit espionage against his political opponent…
marq: or suggesting an assassination, and I would never know the difference. Not that anyone would say or do anything like that, just that I wouldn’t even know because I can’t get past this wardrobe atrocity!
Ann: Even when you dress it up, it is still so mundane! I think this is just his standard black pantsuit with a bow tie and cummerbund.
marq: I told you that pantsuit is versatile!
Ann: Blue, Blue Blue.
Marq: Oh now this is fabulous!
Ann: Did he?
marq: I think he did!
Ann: It appears here he is sporting a matching tie and toupee set!
marq: Polished off with that baggy black pantsuit.
Ann: But he always seems to run back to that red tie as quick as he can. What do you think that means, marq?
marq: I think it means that he should feel very lucky the fashion police have no judicial authority.
Ann: Spot on, marq. So, now that the fashion show has drawn to a close, we need to sum it all up. What was your overall impression?
marq: My impression, Ann, is that Mr. Trump definitely owns a black pantsuit and a blue pantsuit, and potentially a dark charcoal grey pantsuit. He is a man who likes to pack light for the campaign trial. I’m thinking he has three to four white shirts.
Ann: You think as many as four?
marq: very possibly, but I would not put it over that. He has one red hat, two red ties, one with a pinkish hue and one with an orangish hue. One black belt. One black bow tie. Two horrible yellow ties. Two solid blue ties, one dark and one light. One light grey tie, though that may have been borrowed. And two striped blue ties. So that is two to three pantsuits, three to four shirts, one belt, one hat and nine to ten ties. However, primarily he wears only two of them.
Ann: That is a pretty small wardrobe for a billionaire. Do you think he is looking for simple sophistication?
marq: Difficult to tell, but I think simple minded wardrobe really fits the bill. It says a lot about who he is and how he thinks. Judging by his wardrobe I’d say he is a man who does not like to manage too many choices. He wants to see things through a slim scope of ‘this’ or ‘this’. Just like picking a pantsuit: black or blue; or a tie: blue or red? We aren’t seeing any subtle complexities depicted here, no nuances of thought or suggestion, just pretty straight forward. He is actually a very simple minded man and I am just not sure that a man who can’t look in the mirror and see that his red tie clashes with his face is someone who has the capacity to lead our nation. His choices show no diversity. Just a dark, depressing mood. This is a choice he makes every day, what to wear!
Ann: And you get this just from what he wears?
marq: Well, of course! The pantsuit never lies!
Still think we should be judging candidates based on their pantsuits? Because that makes a lot of sense, right?
or if you want to judge by pantsuits, I’ll take diversity
at least these say something.
We are One Woman, One World
credits for photographs: abcnews.go.com, bleaherreport.com, blogsatreuters.com, businessinsider.com, cbsnews.com, cheatsheet.com, dandyfashioner.blogspot.com, dnaindia.com, esquire.com, getkepmt.com, hollywoodreport.com, jezebel.com, kansascity.com, mashable.com, mic.com, money.cnn.com, nydailynews.com, nytimes.com, pastermagazine.com, politico.com, qz.com, racingtotheredlight.com, theblaze.com, time.com, sblog.dallasnews.com, usatoday.com, yahoo.com, damemagazine.com, freepublic.com, instyle.com